


Love in Regrets (Shockop Week 2020)

by Evedawalrus



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evedawalrus/pseuds/Evedawalrus
Summary: A collection of drabbles for Shockop Week 2020!(BTW: Shockwave goes by he/they in these fics cause hell yeah NB Shockwave)
Relationships: Optimus Prime/Shockwave
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27
Collections: Shockop Week





	1. Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly there won't be a drabble for every day, but I hope you enjoy these nevertheless!

The act of regaining one’s memories, it seemed, was going to be a longer process that one might have thought. After escaping the limit of the singularity, Shockwave had found their memories of before the war and all their associated emotions started to fade as what was Crystal City grew smaller and smaller behind them. Orion – Optimus? – either, seemed alarmed when they told him this, but internally, Shockwave wasn’t entirely disappointed about it. 

When their processor had come loose from time it had been like  _ everything _ was pouring into them, pushing at the limits of information their databanks could hold, pressing at the back of their optic so hard that it  _ hurt _ . Now, as those memories lost color, became a little foggier around the edges, the ache began to subside. 

Optimus had been worried, still – as he held Shockwave’s forearm, grip just a little bit tighter than it needed to be, he had said, “Are you sure you’re- you still remember me, Senator? Please, just tell me- tell me that you- you feel something, Shockwave.”

Shockwave, who did indeed remember Optimus, nodded and put a hand over his. “Don’t worry, Orion,” noting how the grip on their arm loosened at the name, “I can’t quite recall everything, but really, it’s been over four million years! Can you blame me for getting a bit mixed up in here?” They lightly knocked on the side of their head with a lighthearted chuckle. 

Their laugh cut off rather abruptly as Optimus enveloped them in a hug. He didn’t say anything, but the way Optimus held onto him was… well. Shockwave let their head fall onto Optimus’s shoulder and said nothing in return. 

It was like he intended to never let them go. And Shockwave didn’t want him to.

“Ah- _ hem _ ,” Megatron rudely cut in. 

Optimus raised his head to glare murder at him, but Megatron, being fairly used to that look, was unfazed.

“Are you two done? Because if I go say hello to all those Autobots without Optimus I’m fairly sure they’re going to tear me apart.”

Optimus considered throwing him out of the ship. 


	2. Separation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orion loses him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally was gonna do a continuation of the last drabble, but stummy hurty and i instead had to post this one instead – nevertheless, pls enjoy some angst

Orion watched the minutes tick by with dim optics. Ratchet called him an hour ago, maybe. He had sounded... hesitant. Careful in a way that didn’t suit him. 

He had asked about Shockwave. “You know they’re not.. my favorite, but- well. Have you found anything?”

Orion’s voice had been crackly and dry, which was odd, because he hadn’t been crying. “I saw them today.” 

“I’ll be damned, they’re still alive?” There was- there was almost a note of hope in Ratchet’s tone, something that appeared rarely if ever. He should be surprised by that, or amused, or something, but Orion found himself barely registering Ratchet’s words at all. 

“Yes. They are.” They  _ were _ alive, and part of Orion wished that wasn’t true and another part absolutely hated himself for thinking that, because – there had to be hope, there  _ had _ to be, but he couldn’t feel anything. 

“...Orion?”

Orion stared at his feet. The TV cast a yellow glow over the office as it played the news, the drone of the newscaster bot washed over him like a dull, humming drizzle, filling his ears with white noise.

“....Orion, what happened?” 

He remembered hiding in this office. He remembered finding the bodies of his deputies, their heads posed alongside awards in the glass cabinets, and being filled with a frothing rage that propelled him, like an unstoppable force, inevitably forward through bots that crumpled like rusted skeletons into a grand hall with shining ceilings and filth in every seat except for

Orion could so easily imagine bringing his fist through the screen of the TV. He could imagine tearing it from the wall and hearing the glass splinter and the LEDs pop and crackle as it hit the ground. He could imagine driving out there, tearing as many Senators limb from limb as he could until he finally fell apart with them, and only Ratchet would be able to identify the fragment of crystal blue left from his optics after they burst out in a spray of sparks. 

And Shockwave would still walk away from him. And Shockwave would still not say his name. 

Ratchet had been calling his name and it felt like mockery, but he couldn’t muster up a single spark of anger. “Orion, you’re worrying me, what did they-“

“You were right, Ratchet.” And he hung up. 

There had been a hollow shaped into his chest, and he could almost hear the echo of it.

Orion fell asleep, hungry, exhausted, as the sun rose, and dreamed of Shockwave carving away pieces of him as he slept, and he felt nothing. 


	3. Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shockwave remembers, slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this chapter is a little early – it's for Day 6: Mind/Body tomorrow! Hopefully I'll have a fun AU drabble for tomorrow!

Shockwave could- they could remember who they  _ were _ , of course, they had some hold on that. They could also remember that they were a Senator, because Optimus always called them that – he acted like they were slip-ups, but Shockwave knew they weren’t. They didn’t mind, though. 

They were getting things back, but it was a bit slower than one might expect. They noticed how Optimus seemed antsy sometimes, subtly asking about how their appointment with Schema had gone that day. To another he would have sounded almost impatient, but Shockwave saw the worry beneath his voice and, understanding, told him every time and watched the anxiety drain out of his frame. 

It was difficult – specific objects and events drifted in and out of their processor, confusing them at odd times, taking longer to solidify. Sometimes they would snap back into themselves and look around to see they were in the kitchen, or at the store, and they wouldn’t remember how they got there. Once, they had reset their optic to find themselves in the Iacon they had yet to rebuild, standing in the middle of a pile of rubble. Anything that may have told them what had used to be here was long gone, scavenged away over countless years of war. But when they had told Optimus, he had gone stiff in that way that Shockwave knew not to bring it up for the rest of the evening. 

It was slow, and arduous, and frustrating, but bit by bit, Shockwave began to remember. 

One day, they were discussing plans for a community park at the center of the city when a memory hit them like- some part of them snickered- like a shockwave. 

Their optic flickered and they swayed on their feet. The bot they were talking to – they thought her name was Windblaze, maybe? – her optics went wide at their abrupt stop in conversation, reaching out like she was going to touch them before she hesitated. After a tense minute, Shockwave’s head dipped down and then snapped back up, optic sharp once more. They looked at Windblade and said, “I have an idea for the park.” 

A week later, Optimus received a message and a set of coordinates.  _ :Orion, I hope your day’s been a pleasant one. I know we had dinner plans, but I would love to show you something special instead. :) I’ve attached the coordinates here. Love you <3: _

As soon as Optimus disentangled himself from his paperwork and insistently turned down a meeting for the third time that day, he drove to the coordinates to find- 

He rocked on his wheels for a moment, then transformed and simply gazed at the sight. 

It was a park. The fact that he was taken so aback by such a small, simple thing felt silly, but no- no, he reminded himself, how long had it been since Cybertron had allowed something so simple and small to exist? How long since there had been enough peace for a crystal garden to grow, gleaming pink and turquoise in the late afternoon light? At the center he could see a statue of Bumblebee – leaning on his walking stick, smiling. All of a sudden his spark started to ache. 

Then, he saw the bot he had been looking for, and the ache transformed into a hum. So this is what his Shockwave wanted to show him. They were near the edge of a path, kneeling down to examine a sprout of amazonite, tracing their fingertips over the metallic silt at its base as they checked to make sure it was properly growing.

They noticed him near immediately when he came over, looking up with a jovial glint in their optic. “Orion! You’ve come on time – I wished to show you something before the park was officially opened.” 

Taking Optimus’s hand, they led him around the statue and then stepped aside to reveal: a small bench. It was fairly unremarkable, but designed in such a specific, meticulous way it couldn’t be mistaken as mass-produced, snug between two blooms of azurite statice flowers. 

Shockwave sounded a little bit nervous as they said, “I designed this bench to resemble one I saw in a memory as closely as I could. I- It was of sitting on a bench, here in Iacon, with you by my side. Some aspect of it was… flawed? I cannot remember which, but- well- I believe it was a positive memory.” Shockwave hesitantly looked up at Optimus. “I hope it was the same for you.”

Optimus was shell-shocked. His optics were wide and blank, and Shockwave felt a vein of alarm go through their spark at the sight. Had they assigned the wrong connotation to the memory? They were so sure the location had been a happy one, as all the emotions displayed by Orion in the memory had been positive: relaxed posture, laughs, smiling… 

Shockwave was so busy frantically wracking their processor to see what they got wrong that they didn’t notice Optimus’s optics watering. 

They did, however, notice when Optimus grabbed the sides of their face and pulled them into a sudden, deep kiss. Both the logically-oriented and emotionally-oriented subroutines in their processor stalled. After the initial surprise Shockwave was hit with the terrible need to have lips so they could kiss back, but nothing could be done about that at the moment, so they only let their hands fall to Optimus’s hips and felt their spark twist with joy. 

When Optimus pulled back, his smile was just like the one in Shockwave’s memory. “Our bench. You remembered our bench.” He chuckled a bit wetly.

“I…” Shockwave trailed off, still a bit dazed. “I did not know this object was of- of such importance. I simply remembered you being happy there.” 

Somehow, Optimus’s optics shone even brighter at that. “I do love this, Senator.” His smile became a bit sly. “But,” he pressed another kiss to the side of Shockwave’s helm before pulling them towards the structure, “it wasn’t the bench that made me happy.”


	4. AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Orion is taken instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ROLESWAP AU AAAAAAA 
> 
> If u want some context to this AU, it's based off of an ask @seaquestions got on tumblr! Here's some art he did based off of it cause [OH BOY](https://seaquestions.tumblr.com/post/635348653454819328/in-an-au-where-things-are-reversed-orion-gave) [IS IT GOOD](https://twitter.com/seaquestions/status/1329929450922905600?s=20)

“No. I can’t let this happen.” 

And he truly, truly can’t, he can see that now. His academy is burning, and his students are-... He can’t allow anyone else to come to harm for his sake. He can’t hurt Orion like this. He makes to step around him, but Orion’s optics flash, and suddenly he is in front of him, pressing something into his hands. “Orion? What-”

But Orion is already turning, facing the grinning enforcer holding the gun to Roller’s head. “You’re taking me instead.”

Both Shockwave and Kroma gape at him. “Sorry, what?” Kroma chuckles confusedly. “The assignment was to get  _ him _ ,” he juts his chin towards Shockwave, “not some two-bit cop.”

Orion clenches his fists, and his blaster hums with heat. “Some two-bit cop? I remember you,” he bites out, “from the night at the station. You probably remember me from when I nearly extinguished your spark. Your boss probably knows how much trouble I’ve caused.” As he says this, his frame seems to loom larger, and Shockwave sees a hint of fear cross Kroma’s face. 

“The Senator barely poses a danger to you or to him. His academy is gone. He has nothing left. He can’t do anything – but  _ me? _ ” he growls out, and despite the far-off sirens the world seems silent. Shockwave cannot see beneath his mask, but he knows Orion is baring his teeth. “ _ -I _ am a  _ threat _ .”

“So you  _ will _ take me instead. Or I’ll have to make this  _ very _ difficult.”

Kroma starts to nod- then catches himself, and scoffs, scrambling to keep the upper hand. “I- fine. It’ll be fun seeing what they do to you, anyways. Now,” he nervously eyes Orion’s blaster, “drop the gun and let’s make our way along here, alright?”

There is a moment of stillness. And then, slowly, without taking his optics off of Kroma, Orion sets down his blaster. He steps towards Kroma, who is grinning like he doesn’t believe it, and this is what snaps Shockwave out of his shock. 

“Orion, no! You- you can’t!” 

Orion turns back to him, and all the rage and intimidation in his optics is gone. There is only deep, deep sadness, and steely determination. It is then that Shockwave realizes he won’t be able to change his mind. 

Orion leans in close to him- and he pushes Shockwave’s hands back and murmurs, “Hold onto this for me, alright?” 

Then, his touch slips away and he raises his voice. “It’s okay, Senator. You saved me, once – I’m finally paying back the favor.” 

Kroma’s goon snaps the cuffs around Orion’s wrists with a  _ click _ and Shockwave’s spark sinks at the finality of the sound. He wants to think of something, make some sort of deal, use his political capital or his silver tongue or his looks or money or  _ anything _ , but his throat is dry, and all he can croak out is a weak, “Orion…”

Orion casts one last gaze back at him, and his mask slides away for just a moment. He is smiling, and it hurts. “Keep going, Shockwave. Don’t let my actions go unseen.”

And- and he’s led away from Shockwave, who feels more powerless than he ever has in his life. “No- where are you taking him?” 

Kroma sneers. “I think you probably already know,  _ Senator _ . Don’t worry, you’ll see him again for sure!”

Shockwave boils with anger and despair, but his view of Orion’s retreating back is blocked suddenly by a huge figure. 

“That is, if Anvil here doesn’t accidentally kill you!” Kroma snickers, and then Shockwave feels the air whistle around him before he hits the wall. 

It nearly knocks him out right then, but through the static in his vision, he sees Anvil standing over him. “Wish I coulda killed th’other guy, but I’ll settle for breakin’ you.” 

He raises his fists and Shockwave flinches, shutting his optics tight in anticipation of-

_ click. _

Both of them pause.

_ Beep. Beep. Beep beep beep beep- _

Shockwave looks down and finally notices what lies in his hands. It’s- the Matrix? The Matrix that Orion gave him, which he had stolen, which was… 

Anvil seems to put it together before him, likely due to the increasingly fast beeping coming from the fake Matrix, and starts running. 

Shockwave can only stare at it, thinking of Orion. The beeps reach a fever pitch, and in one smooth motion against the protestation of his frame he throws the bomb. 

When he wakes up in the smoking rubble of the station, he doesn’t know how long it’s been and his spark seizes up in fear. 

He digs through the concrete and metal but cannot find Roller – but he does unearth Chromedome, the other detective, and he shouts at the poor dazed bot, “They took him. The Institute you found, you have to take me there, please, we have to catch them-“ and they are off, Shockwave soaring through the narrow streets and nearly clipping his wings at every corner. 

They arrive and it is empty. Shockwave’s flight engines are still roaring, and the sound echoes back at him through the barren hallways. There is not so much as a bloodstain on the floor. 

And then… and then. 

Shockwave just wants to go home. He wants to lie on his berth and sob and tear everything apart, but there is work to do. 

He finds his students. He calls all of them, and many of them are okay but some answer with only white noise, and he feels another piece of his spark flake away. He finds them safehouses. He’ll have to get more permanent places later, and he doesn’t know how he’ll do that but he will. He makes sure Roller and Chromedome get to Ratchet’s clinic, but leaves before Ratchet has a moment away from tending to them to notice him – and notice Orion’s absence. He tries to gather what information he can from his networks, but no one seems to know anything and his frame is feeling heavier by the second. 

He flies to the Academy to see if there is anything left for him to salvage. But he sees the flames from afar, and he turns around and finally, finally arrives at his apartment. 

He doesn’t bother to check for cameras like he always does. So they will see him stagger to the dispenser and get a cube of energon. So they will see him stare into it for a long minute before setting it down. So they will see him bypass the wash racks despite the grime covering his normally pristine frame, limp to the edge of his berth, and collapse into it like a marionette with its strings cut. 

So they will see him cry himself hoarse in the early hours of the morning.

He doesn’t care. 

  
  
  


And a week later, Shockwave sees him again. 


End file.
